I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We just shotgunned beers for America
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
