My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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