so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
