Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
