Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
