Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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