HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
