I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
