Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
