Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize