Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize