i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
