oh god the rape fog is back!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
