haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
