Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
