my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
