Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
