Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
