my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
