is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
