Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
