Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
