I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
