Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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