it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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