Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
