I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Randomize
