where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
