i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
