you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i drank out of a bidet.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
