if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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