Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
