She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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