This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
