Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
