His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
