I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
