is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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