But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
