New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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