so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
