I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
