There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
