I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
