I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
