she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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