I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
