we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
