he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
