Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
