can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
