We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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