she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
