my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
