So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
