That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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