Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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