Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
