i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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