WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
