I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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