im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
