I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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