wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
