If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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