I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Quick, to the slutcave!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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