you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
