I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
