Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize