During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
