I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
