Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
