Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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