After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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