My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
