K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know her cup size but not her name....
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